Ten Ways to Kill Mikami Teru
by Monkey and Cookee
Summary: AU. Death Note characters killing Mikami! LxLight or LightxL, whichever you see. Mello, Matt and Near are with them and they're one big family. Kinda crackish. Mikami lovers do not go in! Mikami haters welcome! 10 one shots... -M.
1. Monkeying Around

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

Light's fist connected with the wall.

"Dammit! I can't take it anymore!" he yelled.

"What's wrong Light?" L asked, watching Light from the bed.

"It's Mikami." Light made another fist and hit it against the wall as well.

"Ah. Your stalker you mean?" L asked, curiously staring at Light who was now banging his head on the wall. "Light, if you want to lose brain cells, try using alcohol instead, it's less painful."

Light rolled his eyes. "Not helping L."

"You know, I think I may have a solution to the problem you call Mikami." L said.

Light looked at L. "I'm all ears."

L only smiled. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call. Light stared at him the whole time.

_Well this ought to be interesting,_ Light thought.

—The Next Day—

Mikami walked up to his house and searched his pockets for his keys. Once he found them, he slowly opened the door, and was greeted by…

An angry rabid monkey that jumped out at his head.

"AAHH!!!" Mikami yelled, trying to get the rabid monkey off of him.

L turned off the monitor. "And that's the end of your stalker."

Light looked at L. He blinked. "Where the hell did you get a rabid monkey from?"

"Mello and Matt. Near just kept the monkey asleep until necessary." L replied.

Light nodded slowly. "I see. Remind me not to get on your or their bad side…"

L smiled. "Bring me a cookie and I'll keep you on my good side."

Light rolled his eyes. "Don't push it, L."

**Monkey: Hmmm....well that could've gone worse... Oh yeah, the chapters aren't related to one another, they're all like a bunch of killing Mikami one shots...lol**


	2. Mowing Gone Deadly

"Arg… I can't believe I'm stuck doing this," Mello complained as he mowed the lawn outside L and Light's mansion.

"Well, it is your fault that both L and Light's hair turned pink," Matt commented while playing on his DS.

Mello rolled his eyes. "It was an accident." He said, as if he had said that millions of times already.

"With you, one can never be too sure," Near said calmly while playing with some dominos.

"Shut it Near." Mello glared. "Well whatever, I'm going to have some fun with this."

Matt and Near exchanged glances.

This could only turn out bad.

---------------------------

"Muahahahahahahahaha!!" Mello yelled out evilly.

Scratch that, it could only end up deadly.

Light and L came running out of the mansion.

"Who's dying?!" Light asked frantically.

"We heard Mello's evil laughter and got worried," L said.

Matt was actually watching Mello and not playing with his video games. Near was the same as always, still playing with his toys yet was watching Mello. Neither boy answered Light and L. but they didn't have to answer. Both L and Light found out why Mello was cackling evilly.

He was about to run over someone's head with the lawnmower.

"What the hell?" Light asked.

"It seems Mello has buried Mikami alive with only his head above ground and is planning to run it over with the lawn mower." L correctly guessed, bringing his thumb to his mouth as always.

"Die, fucker!!" Mello yelled.

"AAHHH!!!" Mikami yelled out.

SPLAT!!!

Blood and flesh flew everywhere.

Light and L sighed. "Clean up everything, Mello."

"Muahahaha—huh?? What?!" He turned around to face Light and L. "Why?!"

"You make the mess, you clean it up," L reminded.

Light nodded. "Try to finish before dinner."

"Aw man!" Mello whined.

Near and Matt snickered.

L and Light went back inside and shook their heads.

"Damn. I thought Mello had gone and killed Matt when I heard him laughing evilly," Light said.

"I know what you mean. I thought Near had finally pushed him too far." L commented.

"Well, it was only Mikami so who cares?"

"True." L nodded. "Well, it is one less pain in the ass."

"Should we treat Mello to some chocolate dinner?" Light suggested.

"Ok. A price for a job well done."


	3. Evil SoccerCleats?

"Matt! Hurry up! We're gonna be late for soccer!" Mello yelled out to the red head.

"I'm coming!" Matt yelled from his room upstairs.

Light came into the house. "You ready yet?"

"I am but Matt's taking forever!" Mello replied.

"Matt!" Light called out.

"I'm here! I'm here!" Matt said, running down the stairs.

"God, you take forever!" Mello said.

"Sorry, I couldn't find my cleats." Matt apologized.

"It's fine, but if we don't leave now, we'll be late for the game," Light said, glancing at his watch.

"Let's go!" Mello exclaimed.

Fifteen minutes later, the three of them made it to the soccer game.

"Ok, I'll be watching," Light said. "Good luck."

Matt and Mello nodded and ran into the field.

"Oh crap! I forgot my rosary in the car!" Mello suddenly yelled out. He looked at his coach, Matsuda. "Don't start the game yet!" And he ran off to find Light sitting in the bleachers.

Said brunette was having his own problems. Mainly one. And it had a name.

Mikami.

"Hi Light, can I sit here?" Mikami asked,

_No! Get away from me you crazy creepy stalker! _"Um…sure…" Light replied.

Mikami sat down next to him.

_Damn it! Of all the seats there are, he had to pick this one! _Light inwardly groaned.

The game hadn't even started yet and he already wanted to leave. The only reason he stayed was for Matt and Mello. Speaking of which, Light could only see the red head in the field. Where was Mello?

"Hey Light," Mikami began. "I was wondering if you were free this weekend…"

"Sorry Mikami, I already have plans for this weekend." Light replied. _Yeah, like staying the hell away from you!_

"Well, how about next weekend?" Mikami asked,

"I—"

"Light!! I forgot my rosary in the c—who the hell are you?!" Mello demanded, looking at Mikami.

"Hi there, I'm Mikami."

Mello's eyes widened. "You're the mother fucker that keeps flirting with my dad! I'll kill you!"

"Mello, I don't think you should—" But Light was too late to stop the blonde.

Mello tackled Mikami down and off the bleachers. He punched him in the face and stood up. Mello brought his right leg up.

"Eat dirt, shit face!" Mello brought his foot which happened to be wearing his soccer cleats, down on Mikami's face. He repeated that until he was sure Mikami couldn't take anymore. Mikami was dead shortly after. Even after Mello knew this, he brought his foot down on Mikami's crotch.

Light winced when he saw that. "Ok, Mello, I'm pretty sure he's dead."

"Tch. Nobody flirts with my dad except my other dad!" Mello said.

The other team, stared wide eyed at Mello. They forfeited shortly after. Apparently, they didn't want to die.

------------------------------

"So, how was the game?" L asked, once he and Near came home. The only reason they weren't at the game was because Near had a doctor's appointment.

"We won," Matt said.

"That's good," L said. "Congratulations."

"We won by default." Matt corrected.

"Why? What happened?" L asked.

Mello came running down the stairs. Light came walking.

"Light, what happened at the game?" L looked at his partner.

Light looked at Mello. Near stared at the blonde.

"He killed someone." Near spoke.

"Shut up you little butt munch!" Mello said.

"Who?" L wanted to know.

Light sighed. "Mikami."

"Oh. You mean that guy that was flirting with you all the time?"

Light nodded.

"Well in that case, good job Mello." L said.

Light shook his head. "You two…

**Monkey: Thank you for all of you who reviewed/alerted/favorited this story! ^o^ You make me so happy! And I think it's funny that a lot of you must really hate Mikami, lol. I actually thought I was going to get flamed or something for this ^^"**


	4. Attack of the Shovel!

Today was Light's birthday. L had already gotten him a present. He had bought him a black and silver Roll's Royce. What? L was filthy rich!

But the kids didn't know what to get him.

"Maybe we should set up the garden Light's always wanted," Matt said, looking out a window to look at the backyard. Dead backyard. Apparently, nothing grew with Mello, Matt and Near around.

"And this time, don't run over everything with a skateboard, Mello," Near said.

"Shut up pipsqueak. Anyway, I think it's a good idea. Let's get to it." Mello said.

-------------------------------------

It had been three hours since then. The three kids had asked L to take Light away for a few hours. L happily agreed.

Currently, Matt and Mello were outside and Near was inside looking for a certain plant.

"Hurry up Near!" Mello called out, angry for waiting for so long.

"I can't find it." Near said.

Mello threw his shovel to the ground and walked towards the house, mumbling something that Matt couldn't hear but was pretty sure were swear words.

After Mello had gone inside, matt saw someone at the gate. It was Mikami, one of Light's co-workers.

Matt groaned. The three kids hated that man. They hated him with the passion of a thousand suns.

"Hi. Is Light here?" Mikami asked.

"No."

"Where did he go?"

_Stalker!_ "Somewhere with L."

"Today's Light's birthday, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well do you know when he'll be back?"

_Man! You're so annoying!_ "I don't know."

"Oh. Ok well, I'll just come back later since I have a present for him."

_Present? _"What did you get him?"

"I got him a ring."

_What?! _"A ring?"

"Yeah." Mikami looked at his watch. "Well I'll just come back later."

"Wait," Matt said. "Light told me there was something he wanted me to give you."

"Really?? What??"

"Close your eyes."

Mikami did so. Carefully and quietly, Matt picked up Mello's forgotten shovel and walked towards Mikami.

Mello and Near decided to come outside with a few different plants.

"Hey Matt, can you—" Mello stopped short when he looked up at Matt.

The redhead brought the shovel up.

"You can open your eyes now."

Mikami did. He saw Matt and didn't even have time to widen his eyes because Matt swung the shovel and connected it with Mikami's head. He killed him.

"Whoa." Mello said. "Always thought I'd be the one to kill that jackass."

"I thought so too," Near said.

"Easier than I thought it'd be." Matt said to himself.

Later that day, L and Light came home. He saw the beautiful garden and loved it.

"Oh yeah, don't expect to see Mikami anymore," Mello said.

Light blinked. "Why?"

"Matt killed him with a shovel."

"…"

**Monkey: Ok, well hope you guys liked it! XD**


	5. Hungry Tiger

"Man! I'm so bored!" Mello said. "Matt! Entertain me! Go jump off the top of the roof or something."

"No way! That'll kill me!" Matt said.

"Fine then." Mello rolled his eyes. "Near—"

"No." Near stopped him short.

"Fine!" Mello stood up from the couch. "I'll go find something exciting to do by myself then!"

Matt and Near watched him leave.

"Five bucks says he kills someone," Matt said while playing on his DS.

"Oh yeah." Near agreed, building a tower out of dice.

---------------------------

It had been two hours since Matt or Near had seen Mello. Matt was getting worried.

"Do you think the police got him?" Matt asked, putting down his DS.

"No. The police know nothing of Mello's killer tendencies." Near replied.

"Are you sure? You don't think he's killed himself, do you?"

"No."

"You sure? Maybe something went wrong in a method of killing he was trying."

"…"

"Wanna go check on him?"

"Just to make sure he didn't accidentally kill himself."

The went into Mello's room and saw the last thing they expected.

There, in the middle of the room was a cage. With a tiger in it. And someone inside the cage that was screaming bloody murder.

"What the hell?" Matt asked.

"You guys bored too?" Mello asked, popping up from behind the cage. "Check this out. I got a really hungry tiger in a cage and I found this bozo on the street. The tiger's chained back, but what do you think'll happen when I let him loose?"

"Who's the bozo in the cage?" Matt looked at the brunette with glasses.

"Dunno. Said his name was Mikami something or another. Anyway, you guys ready??" Mello replied casually, more interested in the killing than who he was actually killing.

The two nodded. Mello pressed a button on a little black box and the cuffs and chains came off the tiger.

"ROAR!!!"

"AAAHHH!!!"

SPLAT!!!!

"Awesome!" Mello said. Matt nodded in agreement.

Near sighed. "I'll go get the cleaning supplies."

There was blood everywhere and Near remembered that last time Mello had killed someone indoors, there was blood everywhere and Light fainted when he saw all the blood. Not because he was afraid of blood, but because of the huge mess everywhere. The three got grounded for nearly killing Light that day.

Poor, poor Light.

**Monkey: Hmmm I think this chapter sucked...oh well lol. Hope you guys liked it.**


	6. Bed Fire!

"Oh crap. Not again." Light mumbled. He had some sort of package in his hands. Near looked up at him.

"What's wrong?"

Light groaned. "I don't know. I think I have a stalker."

"Do you know who?" Near asked.

"Mikami Teru. Defense attorney. Worked with me on a couple cases too. But even that was enough to get detailed, personal information about me." Light replied.

"Can't you get him to stop?"

"I haven't seen him in over half a year." Light shook his head.

"Do you have any information on him?"

"Nothing. There's no return address."

"Have you tried searching through dad's files to find out something about Teru?"

"L doesn't even know."

Near stared at Light. "You haven't told him of something that's been going on for over half a year?"

"Well, knowing how jealous he can get…no. But there's no harm in anything. I always throw away the things I get from Mikami anyway."

Near nodded. Light looked at the albino.

"Please tell me you're not going to do something."

"Sorry dad, but you know Mello's a bad influence."

Light sighed. "Fine. Just be sure to not let L trace any sort of hacking back to you."

"Uh-huh."

------------------------------------------

"Ok, so why did you want us to hotwire dad's car in the middle of the night and take you to this address?" Mello asked, angry that he had been kept out of the loop.

"Relax. Light knows about this." Near replied. "Sort of." He climbed out of the car and turned to look at Matt and Mello. "Keep the car running, I'll be back in a bit."

"Wait, are you going to break into this house?" Matt asked. Near nodded. "But how? Do you even know what to do?"

"Yes. I've seen you two do it enough times. Be back later." And Near broke into the house shortly after. He decided to do something about the fire alarm…

He snuck up to Mikami's bedroom and pulled out a domino. He flipped the top part to reveal a lighter. Mello had always said that there was something about his toys that he didn't like. Near figured it had something to do with the fact that not all of his toys were…toys. Near looked around the room and shuddered when he saw all the pictures of his dad adorning Mikami's walls.

"Good riddance." Near flicked the lighter on and brought it to the edge of the bed. Once enough fire had caught on, Near ran out of the room and out of the house.

"Move!" Near said.

Matt and Mello were still shocked Near even know how to break into a house. They were even more shocked to see the albino carry a lighter disguised as a domino. What shocked them even more was how the house suddenly burst into flames and screams of pain were heard.

"What did you do??" Matt and Mello asked.

"Just got rid of an annoyance."

Mello and Matt looked at each other. Maybe they were bad influences…

----------------------------------

"Ok, it's been a month and nothing from Mikami." Light said to Near. "What did you do?"

"I lit his bed on fire while he slept in it." Near replied.

Light blinked. _Ok time to tell L to save up more money so we can bail Near out of jail along with Matt and Mello when they're older…_

**Monkey: Well....here's another chappie! XD Thank you to all of you who reviewed and thank you for the ideas! XD Hope you liked the chapter =D**


	7. To the Post Office

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! XD**

"Ok, what did you two do this time?" Light asked.

"Actually, Near was in this too," L said.

"What did you three do?" Light rephrased his question.

The three teenagers didn't answer. They were afraid of what would happen to them since they all thought their dad seemed like he was PMSing whenever he got mad at them. This came from past experiences.

"Well?" Light demanded. The three then spoke at once.

"I got a ticket for speeding on a scooter," Matt said.

"I safety-tested our neighbor's car," Mello said.

"I attacked our neighbor with a paintball gun," Near said.

Had it been anyone else, they might not have understood what they each had to say. Unfortunately for them, Light heard them all clearly.

"You safety-tested our neighbor's car?!" Light shouted.

Mello cringed at the loudness of his dad's voice. "Y-yeah…"

"Using what?"

"…Brick wall…"

Light turned to look at Matt. "How did you get a ticket for speeding on a scooter?! Do you even have one??"

Matt lowered his head. "I don't know and yeah…"

"How fast?"

"Maybe forty…or fifty miles…"

"What?!" Light then looked at Near. "You attacked our neighbor with a paintball gun?"

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"…Target practice…"

Light pulled at his hair. "Are you three aiming to be criminals??"

"Light, you should calm down, you're going to get an ulcer," L commented.

"Answer me!" Light ignored L.

"No." came their mumbled response.

"Then why do you do things like this?"

The three didn't answer.

Light sighed. "Mello, who's car did you safety test? Mikami's or Matsuda's?"

"Mikami's."

"Matt, which officer gave you a ticket for speeding on a scooter?"

"Mikami."

"Near, who did you attack with a paintball gun?"

"Mikami."

Light and L stared at each other. "…Did you three plan this?"

They shook their heads.

"Ok you three, not only are you three grounded, but I want you to go apologize to Mikami," Light ordered, feeling a huge headache coming on.

"Grounded?" Mello asked. "From what?!"

"Apologize?" Matt said. Near stayed silent.

"Grounded as in Mello, no chocolate for a week, Matt, no video games for a week and Near, no toys for a week." Light stated. "And yes, apologize for causing so much trouble."

"I think you're being too harsh," L said to Light.

"Stay out of this or I'm taking you sweets along with their stuff." Light sighed and left the house.

The door opened again. "Apologize right now!" The door slammed shut again.

Mello, Matt and Near began their loud protest to their other dad.

"I can't do anything about it, Light's made up his mind." L told them.

"Dad seems to be PMSing, maybe you should let him be the seme once in a while." Mello said.

Matt laughed and Near chuckled. L turned a little red.

"Just go and apologize before I make your punishment two weeks long…"

The three young teens were already out the door. L decided to go into the kitchen and hide his sweets in case Light goes through with his threat.

"Maybe I should let him be seme…"

-----------------------

"So are we really going to apologize?" Matt asked.

"Hell no! This fucker has pissed me off one too many times!" Mello said.

"…He's only pissed you off once though," Matt said.

"And that's one too many times!" Mello took a detour to the garden on the side of the house and came back with a hammer.

"Are we going to kill him?" Matt asked, eyeing the hammer.

"Probably." Near said.

So the three walked over to Mikami's mansion, knocked on the door and waited. Mello hid the hammer behind his back.

Mikami opened the door. "What do you three want?"

"Well, we came here to apologize," Mello began.

"For the trouble we caused you," Near continued.

"Yesterday." Matt finished. Yes, everything had happened yesterday, that's why Light was so pissed.

Mikami stared at them. "Fine."

"But," Mello began, before Mikami had a chance to close the door, "we also came here for another reason."

"And what would that be?"

"This! Die!" Mello pulled out the hammer and started to beat the hell out of Mikami with it. Matt and Neat just watched. The two closed the door so Mikami's screams of pain wouldn't draw attention.

Once Mikami was dead, Mello put his hammer back in its hiding place.

"Hey guys, help me out with something," the blonde said.

Matt and Near looked at each other. "Here we go again…"

------------------

People were giving them strange looks at the post office.

"What's in there?" a man behind the counter asked.

"A present." Near stated.

"For what?"

"Christmas." Matt answered, saying the first thing that popped into his head.

"…It's the middle of July."

"So? Haven't you ever heard of an early Christmas present?" Mello shot. "Can you ship it off somewhere or not?!"

"Y-yes. I think. Where would you like this sent to?"

"Anywhere. See ya!" And Mello dragged near and Matt away fro there, leaving a huge package with Mikami's dead body in the post office. Luckily, no one had opened it…yet…

Also, thank goodness they didn't leave a return address on it.

------------------

Light came back and saw the three teenagers sleeping. "Did they go apologize?"

L nodded. "They assured me they wouldn't get in trouble with him again."

"That's good. I'll be out in the garden." Light went outside.

He saw a hammer sticking out of the ground behind one of his plants. It was covered in blood.

"Mello!! Matt!! Near!!" He shouted. He was pissed again. Oh boy.

L pulled out a lollipop. "Yes, I should definitely let him be seme one of these days…"

**Monkey: Ok, I know, I haven't updated in a while and this chapter sucked, I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm having lots of writer's block and I don't know what else to put in this story. . I need you guys to help me and give me ideas please! How would you guys like to see Mikami die?? Any idea is welcome. Like having him get killed by a giant washing machine…hmmm, I would do that if I knew how to, lol. Oh and I was thinking of making another story called Another Ten Ways to Kill Mikami Teru. What do you guys think? Oh, and to all of those that reviewed/alerted/favorited, thank you so much!!!! ^-^ **


	8. Crossover Time

**Monkey: Sorry for the late update! Hope you like it!**

Knock Knock

Mello opened the door. "Who the hell are you?"

He saw a tall man with black hair and glasses.

"Relax Mello, this is my co-worker Mikami." Light said, appearing behind the blonde.

"Hi Light."

"What brings you here?" Light asked. Mello glared at Mikami then left.

"You left this back at the office." Mikami gave Light a manila folder that Light could've sworn he had gotten before he came home…

"Right. Thanks." Light said.

"See you tomorrow." Mikami said.

"Uh-huh. Bye." Light shut the door.

Light turned around and screamed at what he saw, nearly dropping the folder in his hands.

"Crap L! You scared me!" It had only been L standing half a foot away from him.

"Was that Mikami just now?" L asked, ignoring Light's yells.

"Yeah why?"

"I don't like him." L deadpanned.

"You don't like a lot of people." Light said.

"I still don't like him."

Light shook his head and sat down on the couch, leaving the folder beside him, untouched. "Why?"

"I just don't."

"Well he is kind of creepy and gives off a stalker vibe but he's alright."

"He looks like he likes you." L stated.

"…He does."

"All the more reason not to like him."

"Well it's not like it matters. He won't just suddenly fall into some sort of portal, end up in another world and get killed. And with your possessiveness, he won't and can't come near me."

"I can't help but be possessive. You are mine after all."

Light rolled his eyes. "Whatever, L."

CRASH!!!

"My game!!" Matt yelled. "I'll kill you!"

"Come and get me!" Mello yelled back.

"I'm having no part in this." Near said.

Light and L looked at each other.

"Should we go stop them before we end up with another broken door?" Light asked, hearing Matt pound on Mello's locked door.

"Oh yeah."

So they went upstairs to break up the fight.

Meanwhile with Mikami —

"Ah Light… so hot…" Mikami sighed as he got out of his car and walked up to his front door. He opened it and had he been thinking of anything besides Light, he would've seen that he walked into a sparkly blue circle. In other words, a portal.

It wasn't until he felt himself falling that he found out what was happening.

"OH SHIT!!!"

He landed in a high tree. But since he's unlucky, gravity decided to introduce his ass to the floor.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow OUCH!!" Mikami yelled as he fell, then landed.

He heard voices and the sound of metal hitting metal. Then it stopped.

"Who's there?" someone demanded.

Mikami stayed quiet. And again, luck was on his side, for some bug had come to bite him. He screamed.

Some metal looking sword thing came out of no where and stabbed him in the gut. He screamed again.

Then the tree he was leaning against gave away…towards him.

"AAHHHH!!!!" Mikami yelled out right before the massive tree fell on him, killing him.

Two people landed on top of the tree.

"Way to go dumbass. You just knocked down a tree." Sasuke Uchiha said.

"Hey! It's not my fault! I heard something!" Naruto Uzumaki said.

"I know. That's why I threw a kunai over here."

"Well it was the first thing I did!" Naruto shot. "Hey, this tree feels weird. Is something under it?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Help me lift this."

They lifted up the tree. Naruto screamed and left go of his side.

"Idiot! Don't let it go!!" Sasuke said too late.

"Look at this."

Sasuke dropped the tree away from him and looked at what Naruto was seeing.

"We killed someone." Sasuke stated simply.

"He's ugly. And creepy." Naruto said. He shuddered.

"Yeah…"

"Let's put the tree back."

Sasuke looked at him. "Ok, just don't drop the tree this time."

"Yeah yeah."

Naruto "accidentally" dropped the tree again. Sasuke hit him over the head.

"Do we tell Tsunade?" Naruto asked.

"Hell no." Sasuke replied. "She'll literally kick our asses. Or worse, make us move that thing."

"Ok. So can we go get some ramen?"

"Only if you keep it under one hundred dollars."

"Fine." And the two went to eat some ramen while Mikami's dead body was left to rot in the forest.

Meanwhile, Light and L chased a screaming Mello and a pissed off Matt around the house while Near watched, all oblivious to the fact that Mikami was dead and Light had guessed his fate.

**Monkey: Ok, I have rkoalagirl to thank for this chapter idea (did I get the name right?? .). And to all of you who gave me ideas, no worries, I will use them eventually! If not in this story, then in the next one! XD Well yeah, sorry if it sucked, but I've been having writer's block and this is the best I got right now. Oh, and as for L actually letting Light be seme in the previous chapter, well, that's up to you guys! XD and yeah well, Monkey out! XD**


	9. Door Beating and Insane People!

"But Light!" L whined.

"No buts!" Light said. Mello laughed in the backseat of the car after hearing Light. "You have to start eating healthy! No sugar while I'm gone."

L stared at him. "You are a cruel, cruel man."

"Maybe, but this is for your own good." Light sighed and got into the car.

"My own good?! I'm going to die without my sugar!" L said.

Light rolled his eyes. "You'll be fine. I'll only be gone for a few hours. No sugar. Bye!"

"Bye!" Matt, Mello and Near said, waving from the backseat.

"Bye." L gave a half-assed wave and went back into his house after Light drove off.

Light had gotten rid of all his sugar. Including the sugary sweets he kept in a safe for just such an occasion! How Light was able to figure out the combination was beyond him.

"Light is insane for taking away my sugar!" L said to himself. "Definitely insane. And because his insane self took away my sugar, I will go insane!"

_You already are._

"No I'm not!"

…_You're talking to yourself. You are insane._

"…" L didn't say anything. The fact was what that voice that sounded a lot like Light said, was right.

_You see? You're even losing to yourself._

"Ok! I get it. I'm insane. Shut up already."

_Just saying._

"…" L felt his eye twitch.

He searched around for sweets and found nothing. Correction, he found some sugar free crap Light had bought him. L made a face and threw all those things away. Now there was nothing. Light had even took away all his money, his credit cards, blocked his bank accounts and told Watari not to get L any sweets! That man is insane!

"Light really did think things through, didn't he?"

_There you go, talking to yourself again._

L felt his eye twitch again.

Just as he was searching through Mello's room for some chocolate, even though there was none no matter how hard he looked, the phone rang.

"Hello?" L said, without checking the caller id. Oops.

"Good morning! Would you like to buy some cookies to help give money to charity?" Came the voice from the other end.

L thought for a bit. It was a miracle! "Who's calling?"

"My name is Mikami Teru. We can deliver today! So would you like to buy some?"

"What kind?"

"Chocolate chip."

"I'll get three boxes."

"Ok! Now if you could tell me where you live, we'll be over there soon!"

L answered Mikami's questions then proceeded to hang up after Mikami said he would come by in an hour.

L brought his thumb to his mouth. "Light will get pissed if he finds out I bought cookies…"

_Who says Light has to know? Just get rid of all the evidence before he comes back._

"Good idea…" L said. Then he realized he was talking to himself again. "Damn."

_You have no money._

"I didn't think of that."

_Steal money from Matt and Mello as payback for always stealing your money and chocolate._

"You're a bad influence."

_Just get the damn money._

An hour later, the doorbell rang.

"L?" the man with black hair and glasses asked.

"Mikami Teru?"

"Yes. Here are your cookies. That'll be seventy-five dollars."

L stared at him. "Why so much?"

Mikami shrugged. "I don't come up with the price, I just sell them."

"I have fifty dollars."

"Then you can only get two boxes."

"I want three."

"You don't have enough for three."

"I still want the other box."

"I can only give you two."

_Kill him and take all three boxes._

"I want all three boxes."

"I'm sorry. You can only have two of them."

_Kill him and take all three damn boxes!_

"Damn it! Give me the cookies!" L grabbed Mikami by the front collar of his shirt. He glared at the man with the glasses.

_Kill him and take the cookies!_

L let Mikami go. "Do you mind stepping right here?"

Mikami stepped slightly past the threshold. L dropped his money.

"I have a bad back. Can you pick that up for me?"

Mikami looked at his hunched back and believed him. He bent down and…

SLAM!!

L slammed the door shut on Mikami's head.

SLAM!

SLAM!

A couple more for good measure.

Once L was sure Mikami was dead, he kept his money and got the three boxes of cookies.

"Now… to get rid of the body." L said while happily eating a cookie.

_Bury it in the backyard._

L had to admit, the voice that sounded a lot like Light scared him. But he decided he would do as it said later, once he was done with the cookies. And because he was taking his time, he finished them three hours later.

Four hours later (an hour after L finished with his cookies)—

Light, Mello, Matt and Near came back. L was no where to be seen. Mello and Matt raced upstairs to put their remaining money with the money they left at home.

"Dad!! My money's gone!" Mello yelled.

"Mine too!" Matt said.

"I smell cookies." Near said.

"I see blood." Light said. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. Hmmm… something was missing from this picture. "L!" Light yelled out angrily.

"Yes Light?" L said, suddenly coming up behind the aforementioned brunette. He turned around.

Light raised a brow. L was covered in dirt. "What happened while we were gone?"

"Nothing."

"L…" Light looked at the blood by the door. And a small business card that said 'MIKAMI TERU.' "Did you kill a man named Mikami Teru?"

"No…"

"L…" Light repeated. He shook his head.

L looked at Near. "He did it!" And L ran away.

Near and Light watched him leave.

Light sighed. "That's it. Back to therapy."

_Because we're all insane._

Near looked at Light. "What?"

"I said we have to go back to therapy."

"After that."

Light raised a brow. "I didn't say anything after that."

Near blinked.

_Yep. Everyone's batshit insane here._

"I'll be in my room…" Near said. He could've sworn he heard…

"Ok."

Light watched Near leave then looked over at L who was running down the street.

_This isn't a house, this is a mental asylum._

Light looked around but saw no one. "Weird. I thought I just heard L's voice…"

**Monkey: I know it's a day late but I don't care, I'll say it anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! And thank you BloodandIvory for the idea! XD Hope you guys liked the chappie! XD**


	10. Mario Style and everyone gets a turn!

**Monkey: Ok, this is the last chapter for this story!! XD And it's actually called 'Chapter 10: Mario Style and everyone gets a shot at Mikami except Light!' but it was too long so I didn't write that, lol XD Well, hope you like it!**

The family was spending time together in the park. L was eating a slice of strawberry cheesecake while he and Light discussed problems concerning the recession the economy is in while the latter watched over the three kids.

Near was playing with some toy robots while Matt and Mello were playing baseball. Mello had brought the metal bat while Matt brought a bunch of baseballs. Probably twenty or so.

The park was empty except for them which was good, it was more peaceful that way.

Matt swung the bat and sent the ball flying into a tree.

"Matt! Come on! If you keep this up, we won't have any balls left! And we just started playing!" Mello complained. He took a bite out of his chocolate bar and looked up at the tree. There were already three balls up there that they couldn't shake down. Neither wanted to climb the tree because…well, maybe just because they were lazy.

Mello finished his chocolate bar and picked up another baseball from the bad. That's why they always brought so many.

Mello threw another ball at Matt and the redhead hit the ball, sending it flying.

"Matt's good at baseball," Light commented.

L nodded. "Surprising since he spends all day playing video games."

Light looked over at Near who was playing in the sandbox a few feet away. "Why don't you join them?"

"Because Mello will hit my head with the bat, claiming he thought my head was the ball since they're both white," Near replied simply, as if he were stating the weather. Light guessed that it had happened before.

The brunette sighed. "Sometimes I wish we hadn't adopted such violent kids."

"Violence makes things fun and keeps this family interesting." L said, going for another slice of strawberry cheesecake.

"True." Light agreed. They both turned their attention back to Mello and Matt in time for Mello to yell out,

"Hey dude with the bad hair and ugly glasses! Watch out!"

The said dude with bad hair and ugly glasses saw the baseball too late and it connected with his head. The dude fell to the ground.

Light and L looked at each other before going over to the partially conscious dude.

"Are you ok?" Light asked, kneeling down beside the dude.

The dude's vision blurred then focused. He blinked as he looked up at Light. "Are you an angel?"

L glared at the man on the ground.

"Let's get you away from this area. Can you walk?" Light asked, ignoring the dude's first comment.

"Just leave him there." L mumbled.

Light rolled his eyes. He looked back down at the dude.

"Yeah I can stand." The dude said. "I'm Mikami."

"I'm Light. And this is L."

Mikami nodded. The three walked back to where Light and L had been sitting moments ago with Mikami holding and shaking his head.

"Sorry!!" Matt said.

Mikami shook his head. "It's fine."

And with that, Matt and Mello continued their game of baseball.

"How's your head?" Light asked.

Mikami put his hand on his head then brought it down to look at it. "No blood. I'm fine."

"Then leave." L said.

"Ignore him." Light told him. "So what are you doing around here?"

"Oh I was just walking home from work." Mikami replied.

"Sorry about that." Light said, watching another ball fly through the air.

"It's ok. Your son has one hell of a swing."

Light smiled. "He looks like my son?"

Mikami nodded. "Is he adopted?"

"They all are."

"Oh. Well still, if they weren't adopted, then I can see where they got their looks from." Mikami glanced at L. "Not from him…" He said under his breath. Light didn't hear him. L did.

L gripped the fork in his hand so tightly it bent. He glared at Mikami.

Meanwhile, Matt and Mello watched the three adults talk.

"Do you think they're getting along?" Matt asked.

"Can't tell." Mello replied.

"Maybe Near knows."

"Hey Near! Come here!"

Near sighed and walked over to them with his toy robots. "What?"

"Are they getting along?" Matt asked.

"Daddy is but Dad hates him." Near replied. In other words, Light is ok with him but L isn't.

Mello thought for a bit.

"I wish I had my game boy. I was kicking ass being Mario!" Matt said, remembering that Light had made him leave all his video games at home so he could do something else while they were at the park.

Mello grinned. "Do you wanna kick ass like Mario right now?" Matt raised a brow. "Huh?"

"Well, we have baseballs and a bat." Mello said.

"But Mario throws fire balls." Matt countered.

"Here." Near gave Mello one of his toy robots.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this??" Mello asked.

"Take off the head and push the button on the back." Near ordered.

Mello did so. "A lighter…" He smirked. "We have fireballs."

"But Matt's aim could get one of our dads." Near said.

"Not if they're over here." Mello grinned again.

Near sighed. Another one of Mello's ideas and he finds himself in the middle of it again. "What do you want me to do now?"

Five minutes later, Light and Mikami were still talking. L had already destroyed four forks and Light hadn't noticed.

Light looked over at the three kids and saw Mello throw one of Near's toys into the street. The brunette sighed. Another fight…

Near walked over to get the toy and as he was walking back, he tripped and fell on his knees. The eight year old started to cry.

That snapped L out of anger. Light with his 'mother instincts' as L called them, was the first one to rush to Near's side, L behind him.

"Are you ok?" Light asked worriedly.

Mikami stayed behind and watched.

"Now Matt!" Mello lit one side of the ball in his hand on fire and threw it before it could burn him. Matt swung hard.

The ball went straight for Mikami.

"Holy sh—" Mikami never finished for his shirt caught on fire.

Mello threw more fire balls and Matt hit them all with good aim.

Light and L watched as Mikami caught on fire.

"AAAHHH!!!" Mikami yelled.

The park they were at had a cliff to it. But before Mikami would come close to it, Mello decided to have his own shot at Mikami. Unfortunately, since he doesn't have as good an aim as Matt with a ball, Mello decided to throw the metal bat itself at Mikami, getting him in the head. Mikami had been pushed to the edge of the cliff but stopped himself before he went any further. Near threw a chocolate bar he had stolen from Mello at Mikami and got him in the chest. To finish things off since Mikami still hadn't fallen, L threw all the forks he messed up at Mikami and one landed in his eye while the others stabbed his face. Mikami was screaming in pain this whole time and after L threw the forks, he fell over the edge of the cliff.

"Yes!" Matt and Mello high fived each other.

"Not again," Light said, referring to them killing someone.

"Is his body still burning?" L asked.

"Well if the fire didn't kill him, the fall did." Mello said. Matt nodded.

Near picked up his other toy robot and stood up, his fake tears gone. He went to the edge of the cliff, removed the head of his robot and pressed a button on the back of the toy. White foam came out where it's head should be.

"A lighter an a fire extinguisher? Awesome!" Matt said. Mello had to agree.

Light and L looked at each other. Near came back to them once he was done.

"Have to admit, that's pretty cool." Light said. L nodded.

"Should we leave before someone notices his body?" L asked.

"Oh yeah."

So they gathered their stuff and climbed into the car, Light driving and L in the passenger's seat.

"Near, where did you get those toys?" Light asked.

"Same place where I get most of my toys."

"And that would be?"

"Black market."

The car ride was silent until Mello said,

"Hey! how come you're allowed to go to the black market but I'm not?! That's not fair!"

Near smirked. "Well, life isn't fair. And who said I was allowed to go there?"

At this point, Light and L had one of two things to do. Or they could keep their sanity and go insane or they could throw sanity out the window now and get it over with.

They chose the latter.

Meanwhile, with Mikami——————

"Hello???" Mikami called out in pain. "Is anybody there?? I'm not dead…!" Amazingly, he was still alive even though his body was burnt, he was coated in white foam, had melted chocolate on him, his head hurt like hell and his eye was stabbed since his glasses had melted and his face was being stabbed with he didn't know what in other places.

Nobody replied.

"Hello???"

Some guy looked over the edge of the cliff.

"Can you help me?" Mikami asked weakly.

The guy pulled out a gun and shot Mikami in the head, killing him for good.

"God! So annoying…" and the dude left.

**Monkey: And that brings this story to an end!! This idea was from Kody777666!! Thank you for the idea! XD And yes, the next story I will write will be called...'Another Twenty Ways to Kill Mikami Teru!!' There will be differences in the stories, such as having other people instead of mostly just the Wammy's kids get a shot at him, so you can expect Light to kill him in the near future!! I will put up the first chappie of the next story within a week if I can, and if I can't since midterms are coming up (hate high school -.-*) I'll update a little later but with two chapters as an apology for the long wait. ^-^ Hope you guys liked Ten Ways To Kill Mikami Teru and thank you so much to all of you who reviewed/alerted/favorited this story!! You guys are awesome! XD**


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